Evaluation of the Atlantic Slave Trade Essay

Criteria for Evaluation

1. Grammar and Syntax: Assess sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling.
2. Factual Correctness: Verify historical facts, dates, and events mentioned.
3. Writing Style: Evaluate clarity, coherence, and academic tone.
4. Plagiarism: Check for originality and avoidance of copied content.
5. Correspondence to Topic: Ensure the essay stays focused on the Atlantic Slave Trade.
6. Math/Calculations: Not applicable in this essay but includes any numerical references.
7. Definitions: Assess the accuracy of terms and phrases used within the context.

Essay Assessment

1. Grammar and Syntax

• The essay contains multiple grammatical errors including tense inconsistencies ("were taken" vs. "found"), subject-verb agreement ("raiders or sold by their own people" lacks parallel structure), and misspellings ("benifits," "bringed").
• Incorrect punctuation throughout, including missing commas which can make sentences hard to read.
• Some sentences are overly long and convoluted, which reduces clarity.

2. Factual Correctness

• The claim that the Atlantic Slave Trade started with the Portuguese in the Age of Exploration is correct, but the explanation is incomplete. The Portuguese were involved in slave trading by the mid-15th century, not merely at the "time of Age of Exploration."
• The essay mentions that "the Portuguese finally built a fort on the Africa Gold Coast," which is an ambiguous statement. The term "Gold Coast" generally refers to a specific area (modern-day Ghana) and the history surrounding forts has more complexity.
• It mentions "the late 16th century during the English Civil War time," which is historically erroneous as the English Civil War occurred in the 17th century (1642-1651).
• The essay states that King Charles sanctioned slave transport in 1518 without specifying this was Charles I, which can lead to confusion.

3. Writing Style

• The writing lacks an academic tone and tends to be conversational. Phrases such as "stuffed like sardines" are too informal for an academic essay.
• There is a lack of varied vocabulary and transitional phrases that enhance readability and flow.

4. Plagiarism

• The originality of the content cannot be checked in this format. However, care must be taken to rephrase information and cite sources when necessary.

5. Correspondence to Topic

• The essay demonstrates a general understanding of the Atlantic Slave Trade but could provide more depth regarding economic, social, and cultural impacts both in Africa and the Americas.

6. Math/Calculations

• Not applicable, as the essay doesn't involve numerical calculations.

7. Definitions

• The essay properly uses terms like "slavery," "Middle Passage," and "raiders." However, some definitions could benefit from clarification. For example, "Sub-Saharan African states" could use more elaboration regarding which states were involved.

Overall Evaluation

Grade: C-

While the essay addresses key historical points about the Atlantic Slave Trade, it is heavily flawed due to grammatical issues, factual inaccuracies, and a lack of academic rigor.

Tips for Improvement

1. Enhance Grammar and Syntax: Proofread your essay multiple times or use grammar-check tools. Consider getting feedback from peers or instructors before submission.

2. Verify Factual Information: Always double-check historical facts and dates using credible sources. It’s essential to ensure accuracy when discussing important events.

3. Adopt an Academic Tone: Use formal language and avoid colloquialisms. Strive for clarity and complexity in your sentence structures.

4. Organize Your Writing: Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure all points directly support your thesis. Transitional phrases can improve flow between ideas.

5. Research and Cite Sources: Integrate quotes and data from reputable historical sources to support your claims and enhance credibility.

6. Focus on Depth: Delve deeper into the implications and effects of the slave trade on both the African continent and the Americas, discussing topics such as economic impacts, cultural exchanges, and humanitarian aspects.

7. Rewrite and Revise: Don't hesitate to rewrite parts of your essay to clarify your arguments. Academic writing often requires several drafts.

By adhering to these tips, you can improve the quality of your future essays and enhance your understanding of the topics at hand.