Evaluation of the Student Essay
Criteria for Evaluation
- Grammar and Syntax
- Correctness of sentence structure, punctuation, and word choice.
- Factual Correctness
- Accuracy of scientific facts and figures.
- Validity of statements regarding respiratory processes.
- Writing Style
- Clarity, coherence, and consistency of writing.
- Appropriate academic tone and language level.
- Plagiarism
- Originality of content and avoidance of copying from sources without citation.
- Correspondence to Topic
- Relevance of content to the assigned topic "Respiratory."
- Correctness of Dates and Events
- Validation of any dates mentioned, especially in historical context or scientific advancements.
- Math Calculations
- Accuracy in any mathematical or scientific calculations if presented.
- Definitions of Terms and Words
- Correct and precise definitions of key terms related to the topic.
Marking and Feedback
1. Grammar and Syntax: 1/5
- The phrase "gasceous exchange happens" contains a spelling mistake ("gasceous" should be "gaseous").
- The sentence structure is awkward. A clearer expression would be: "The respiratory system is responsible for gaseous exchange."
2. Factual Correctness: 2/5
- The student does mention "gaseous exchange," which is critical to the respiratory system, but fails to elaborate on the mechanisms, such as diffusion, alveoli function, and the role of oxygen and carbon dioxide.
3. Writing Style: 2/5
- The writing lacks depth and does not flow. There is a lack of transition between ideas and an appropriate level of detail expected at year 11. The academic tone is not fully maintained.
4. Plagiarism: 5/5
- There are no indications of plagiarism based on the provided text, as the ideas appear to be original but still require more content.
5. Correspondence to Topic: 3/5
- The essay mentions the respiratory process but lacks comprehensive coverage of the topic. It should include more details on the entire respiratory system, its importance in physical education, and how it relates to overall health and fitness.
6. Correctness of Dates and Events: N/A
- No dates are provided in the text, so this criterion is not applicable.
7. Math Calculations: N/A
- There are no mathematical calculations present in the text, so this criterion is not applicable.
8. Definitions of Terms and Words: 2/5
- The term "gaseous exchange" is the only scientific term mentioned. The essay should define key terms more thoroughly, such as "respiration," "alveoli," and "diffusion."
Overall Evaluation
Total Score: 15/40
Comments:
The essay needs significant improvement. It should cover more aspects of the respiratory system, including its anatomy, physiological processes, and relevance to physical education and overall health. The writing requires better structure, coherence, and depth. The use of clear definitions and correct terminology is essential for a full understanding of the topic at a Year 11 level.
Recommendations:
- Expand Content: Include detailed descriptions of the respiratory system, such as parts involved (nose, trachea, lungs, etc.), and the mechanics of breathing.
- Grammar and Clarity: Focus on proofreading to correct grammatical errors and enhance sentence structure.
- Research and Cite: Include reliable sources to provide a more robust discussion of the respiratory process and what it entails.
This feedback aims to guide the student in improving their analysis and synthesis of knowledge surrounding the respiratory system for physical education.