Essay Evaluation: Major Changes for To Kill a Mockingbird

Grading Criteria Assessment

1. Ideas and Content: 3

   • The essay presents some interesting comparisons between the novel and film adaptations of "To Kill a Mockingbird." However, the ideas are not fully developed, and not all points are substantiated with adequate detail. The analysis lacks depth in exploring the significance of the changes in character portrayal.

2. Organization: 2.5

   • The essay lacks a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ideas are presented in a somewhat confusing manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Transitions between ideas are missing, leading to a disjointed reading experience.

3. Voice: 3

   • The voice of the essay is present, but it lacks a formal academic tone. The informal language reduces the seriousness of the analysis. The student's personality comes through, but it should be balanced with a more scholarly approach appropriate for Grade 9.

4. Word Choice: 3

   • The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are instances of incorrect word usage (e.g., “calpernia” should be "Calpurnia," “atticus” should be "Atticus"). Additionally, phrases could be more precise and impactful. Overall, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of vocabulary.

5. Sentence Fluency: 2.5

   • Many sentences are overly long and convoluted, making them difficult to follow. There are also grammatical errors that disrupt the flow of reading. Some sentences lack parallel structure, which detracts from fluency.

6. Conventions: 2

   • The essay contains numerous grammar and punctuation errors (e.g., capitalization, run-on sentences, lack of comma placement). Proper nouns should always be capitalized, and there is inconsistent adherence to standard conventions throughout the text.

Overall Comments

This essay reveals a basic understanding of the differences between the novel and the film "To Kill a Mockingbird," but it lacks depth and clarity. The portrayal of Atticus and Dill is mentioned, yet the analysis should have included more specific textual evidence to support the claims. The transitions and structure require improvement for better readability and organization.

Furthermore, it's essential to ensure the correct spelling of names and locations, as well as to clarify the relationships among characters. The essay would greatly benefit from proofreading and revision for grammar and punctuation.

Tips for Improvement

1. Develop a Clear Structure: Start with an engaging introduction, followed by organized body paragraphs that each address a single idea, and end with a concluding paragraph summarizing your main points.

2. Support Your Claims: Incorporate specific examples and quotes from the text to strengthen your arguments. Make connections between your observations and the significance of those changes.

3. Use Formal Language: Aim for an academic tone by avoiding informal language and slang. Use precise and varied vocabulary.

4. Improve Sentence Structure: Vary sentence lengths and structures. Break up run-on sentences and try to create clarity through simpler constructions when necessary.

5. Proofread: Always check your work for spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors before submission. It may help to read your essay out loud or have someone else review it.

6. Reference and Cite: When discussing films and novels, make sure to reference them properly, including titles in italics and giving relevant context when needed.

By focusing on these areas, you can enhance your writing skills and produce stronger essays in the future.