Evaluation of the Essay: "Major Changes for To Kill a Mockingbird"

Grading Criteria

The essay presents a comparison between the novel and the film adaptation of "To Kill a Mockingbird," focusing on the character portrayals of Atticus and Dill.
While there are relevant points discussed, they lack depth and analysis. The essay could benefit from more detailed examples and a stronger thesis statement that encapsulates the main argument.
Some assertions about character differences are vague and could be clarified with specific scenes or quotes from both the book and the film.

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. A well-structured essay should begin with an engaging introduction that outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs dedicated to each point, and end with a summary or conclusion.
Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the overall flow.

The voice is somewhat consistent but lacks coherence and clarity in certain places. The informal tone used in some sections may not be appropriate for an academic essay.
Phrasing such as "the FIlm" and "killing it once more" suggests a casual approach instead of a formal analysis.

The vocabulary is basic and sometimes repetitive. Words like "man" and "stuff" are used, which do not convey a sophisticated tone suitable for high school-level writing.
There are several spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "calpernia," "shariff," "atticus") which detract from the overall effectiveness of the writing.

The sentences are often longer and may contain run-on structures, which disrupt fluency. For instance, the long sentence describing Atticus’s encounter with the rabid dog could be broken down into shorter, clearer sentences.
Some sentences lack proper punctuation, making it challenging to read smoothly.

There are multiple grammatical errors, including capitalization mistakes (e.g., "Atticus" should always be capitalized) and punctuation issues (e.g., comma misuse).
Misuse of terms like "the shariff" instead of "the sheriff" shows a lack of attention to detail.

Thesis Development: Start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main arguments.
Clear Structure: Organize your essay into clear sections with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing individual points, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your findings.
Depth of Analysis: Provide more detailed examples and direct quotes from the text and film. Analyze how these examples support your claims about character differences.
Vocab and Tone: Use more sophisticated vocabulary and maintain a formal tone throughout. Avoid slang and overly casual phrasing.
Sentence Clarity: Break complex thoughts into simpler sentences to improve readability and fluency.
Editing and Proofreading: Always revise your work for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Read your essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and errors.
Use Transition Phrases: Employ transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively and guide the reader through your essay.

By focusing on these areas, you can significantly enhance the quality of your writing and better engage your readers.