Essay Evaluation

Evaluation Criteria

1. Grammar: Assess the use of language, sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling errors.
2. Factual Correctness: Verify dates, historical events, and any calculations or statistical data presented.
3. Writing Style: Review appropriateness for Year 11 and coherence of arguments presented.
4. Plagiarism: Check the originality of content and conformity to academic honesty standards.
5. Correspondence to the Topic: Ensure that the topic is effectively addressed and that the arguments are relevant.
6. Formatting: Validate adherence to standard essay formatting, including paragraph structure and headings.

Essay Evaluation

Grammar

The essay is mostly grammatically correct with minor issues:

• The phrase "as well as part of the Columbian Exchange" could be improved for clarity.

Factual Correctness

• Dates: The essay uses the range "1200 to 1600" appropriately, but some details need attention:
  • The caravel was primarily developed in the 15th century, specifically during the Age of Exploration, which started around the late 1400s. Therefore, it’s incorrect to say it was a significant invention throughout the entire period of 1200 to 1600.
  • The astrolabe's introduction in European exploration was earlier than previously stated; it was reintroduced from Islamic scholars in the 12th century and played a crucial role during the Renaissance.
  • The Columbian Exchange refers specifically to the period post-1492, following Christopher Columbus's first voyage. It would be misleading to attribute it to the entire 1200-1600 timeframe.

Writing Style

• The style is appropriate for Year 11, but some sentences can be elongated or joined for better flow.
• Transitions could be improved to guide the reader through the essay's points more effectively.

Plagiarism

• There are no evident signs of plagiarism; all ideas and sentences appear original.

Correspondence to the Topic

• The essay adequately addresses advancements in technology that facilitated trade between 1200 and 1600. However, it could benefit from a more extensive discussion on how these technologies changed trade patterns regionally and trans-regionally.

Formatting

• The essay lacks proper paragraph spacing and could use headings to improve readability. The concluding section cuts off with a typographical error, "technol" which implies an incomplete thought.

Overall Mark: C+

Suggestions for Improvement

1. Verify Dates and Historical Context: Always confirm the timeline and the developed context for historical events, especially regarding technology and trade.
2. Enhance Coherence: Use transitions and conjunctions to connect ideas smoothly across paragraphs.
3. Perform a Grammar Check: Utilize grammar and spelling tools to catch minor errors.
4. Detailed Analysis: Dive deeper into how technologies impacted specific trade routes and the economies of the regions involved.
5. Improve Formatting: Use clear headings and ensure proper paragraph spacing to enhance readability.
6. Expound on Content: Elaborate on the implications of technological advancements, particularly in terms of social and economic changes that followed.
7. Avoid Circular Conclusions: Ensure that the conclusion summarizes unique points made rather than restating facts without adding value.

By adhering to these suggestions, you can improve future essays' clarity, accuracy, and engagement with the topic.