Evaluation of Student Short Story

Criteria for Evaluation

1. Grammar and Syntax

   • Sentence structure, punctuation, and grammatical correctness.
   • Use of complex sentences and variety in sentence length.

2. Factual Correctness

   • Veracity of any mentioned events, characters, or references.
   • Accuracy of date and math calculations.

3. Writing Style

   • Use of vocabulary, including evaluative and figurative language.
   • Ability to convey ideas and emotions effectively.

4. Plagiarism

   • Originality of the content in relation to existing literary works.

5. Correspondence to the Topic

   • Relevance to the theme of short story writing.
   • Ability to create an engaging narrative.

Evaluation Results

1. Grammar and Syntax

The essay demonstrates several grammatical issues:

• Punctuation and Spacing:

  • Missing commas and periods, resulting in run-on sentences. For example:
    • "It was a very wet gloomy day nothing to do outside that’s why I’m inside today." should be revised to "It was a very wet, gloomy day. There was nothing to do outside; that’s why I was inside today."

• Incorrect Word Forms:

  • "where" should be "were" in "where all playing Fortnite". The correct form is "were".

• Sentence Structure:

  • There’s a lack of complex sentences which hinders the elaboration and explanation of ideas.

Score: 3/10

2. Factual Correctness

The narrative appears to reference the game Fortnite accurately; however:

• The mention of "Eminem" as a character to defeat is somewhat confusing and does not align well with the game's universe. Eminem is not a character in Fortnite, and his inclusion feels out of place and incorrect.

• There's also a mention of a "Minnie gun," which likely refers to a minigun, but the spelling is incorrect.

Score: 5/10

3. Writing Style

• Vocabulary Choices:

  • There is a lack of use of evaluative and figurative language. Most of the descriptions are quite basic, which diminishes the overall emotional impact of the story.

• Complexity of Ideas:

  • The story does not effectively explore themes or emotional depth; instead, it focuses primarily on the action.

Score: 4/10

4. Plagiarism

The story does not appear to directly copy any existing work. However, the use of a well-known game and popular culture references, like Eminem, without unique development raises some concern for originality in its thematic elements.

Score: 7/10

5. Correspondence to the Topic

• The story attempts to fit the theme of short story writing, but it falls short in creating a coherent narrative arc, character development, and engagement with literary techniques.

• It does not demonstrate a strong understanding of the short story format, lacking adequate exposition, rising action, climax, and resolution.

Score: 4/10

Overall Assessment and Feedback

Total Score: 23/50

The student's short story presents a creative take on a common theme, and elements of friendship and gaming are relatable for the intended audience of Year 6 students. However, it requires significant improvement in the areas of grammar, vocabulary, and narrative structure.

Recommendations for Improvement:

1. Improve Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on correct sentence structure, the use of commas, and avoiding run-on sentences.

2. Enhance Vocabulary and Style: Experiment with more varied vocabulary and include similes, metaphors, and other figurative language to convey emotions and details more effectively.

3. Focus on Narrative Structure: Develop a clear plot with a beginning, middle, and end. Introduce characters and settings more meaningfully and create a coherent conflict and resolution.

4. Check Factual Information: Ensure that references to pop culture or video game characters are accurate and relevant to the narrative.

5. Read More Short Stories: Exposure to well-written short stories may help in understanding structure and style, improving overall writing skills.

Overall, with revisions and focused practice on these areas, the student has the potential to improve their short story writing significantly.