Evaluation of Essay by Kasandra Gonzalez

Criteria for Evaluation

1. Grammar and Mechanics: Assessing grammatical accuracy, sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling.
2. Factual Correctness: Checking the accuracy of quotes, events, dates, and math (if applicable).
3. Writing Style: Considering clarity, coherence, flow, and the use of language appropriate for Grade 11.
4. Plagiarism: Evaluating originality and checking for source attribution.
5. Correspondence to Topic: Ensuring that the essay adheres to the prompt and fully analyzes the character in question.
6. Structure: Looking at the organization of the essay (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) and the use of topic sentences and commentary.

Evaluation and Comments

Grammar and Mechanics: C

• Comments: The essay contains several grammatical errors, including sentence fragments, subject-verb agreement issues, and misspellings. For instance, "Desedomna" should be "Desdemona", and "gaines" should be "gains". The structure of some sentences is awkward and could be improved for better clarity.

Factual Correctness: C

• Comments: The essay correctly identifies Emilia as a character who faces manipulation and sexism in Othello. However, it misquotes a couple of lines. The citation of quotes needs to accurately reflect the original text (for example, there is no quote "But jealous people don’t think like that. They’re never jealous for no reason, they're just jealous." in Act 3, Scene 4). Some contextual details were missing or inaccurate, and the dates in the essay's header (April 25, 2025) do not fit the context of the historical play, which was written in the early 17th century.

Writing Style: B-

• Comments: The essay presents a strong voice, but the writing lacks sophistication and could benefit from a more varied vocabulary. Some phrases are repetitive, and transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve coherence. The use of informal language, such as "you know," is not appropriate for academic writing.

Plagiarism: A

• Comments: The content appears original, and the quotations from the play are likely within acceptable limits for a literary analysis, contingent upon proper citation.

Correspondence to Topic: B

• Comments: The essay focuses on Emilia and discusses how external pressures reveal her character beautifully, particularly her strength and independence. However, it could more deeply analyze how these pressures interact with her internal struggles to provide a more nuanced exploration of her character.

Structure: B

• Comments: The essay has a clear introduction with a thesis statement, but each body paragraph lacks a strong topic sentence that clearly indicates the main idea. The conclusion reiterates the main points but doesn't provide sufficient insight into the broader implications of Emilia's character transformation.

Overall Grade: C+

• Comments: While the essay presents a compelling overview of Emilia's character, it suffers from grammatical issues, factual inaccuracies, and structural weaknesses. The writing style could be more polished, and deeper analysis would strengthen it. Focus on refining grammar, ensuring greater factual accuracy particularly for quotes, and enhancing transitions and topic sentences in future essays.

Recommendations for Improvement

1. Revise Grammar: Proofread for sentence structure, spelling, and punctuation.
2. Fact-Check Quotes: Ensure accuracy in quoting the play, including correct act and scene numbers.
3. Strengthen Analysis: Delve deeper into how Emilia's external pressures shape her internal character development.
4. Enhance Structure: Use clearer topic sentences and smooth transitions between paragraphs for coherence.
5. Proofread for Clarity: Read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and enhance flow.