Evaluation of the Student's Essay
Criteria for Evaluation
- Grammar and Language Usage: Assessment of the essay's grammatical correctness, punctuation, sentence structure, and overall clarity.
- Factual Correctness: Verification of the accuracy of facts, including references to regulations, dates, statistical data, and calculations (if applicable).
- Writing Style: Evaluation of the coherence, flow, and appropriateness of the writing style for the intended audience (preschool/nursery).
- Plagiarism: Checking for originality and proper citation of any sources, ensuring that the content is unique and not copied.
- Correspondence to the Topic: Assessment of how well the essay addresses the assigned topic regarding a risk assessment and management plan for an excursion to a park with preschool children.
- Compliance with Requirements: Evaluation of if the essay meets the criteria set forth in the assignment, including layout, headings, and specified topics.
Evaluation Results
1. Grammar and Language Usage
- Assessment: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as misuse of punctuation and sentence structure issues (e.g., "i need to Develop a permission note" should be "I need to develop a permission note"). Due to these issues, the clarity and professionalism of the writing are compromised.
- Score: 3/10
2. Factual Correctness
- Assessment: The essay does not provide specific dates or factual references to the Education and Care Services National Regulations related to bus travel. The lack of detail about Regulation 102(4) is particularly concerning, as it does not identify who has the authority to permit a child to leave the service.
- Score: 2/10
3. Writing Style
- Assessment: The writing style is not coherent and lacks logical flow. The text jumps abruptly between ideas without proper transitions or detailed explanations, which is essential for an audience involved in preschool education.
- Score: 4/10
4. Plagiarism
- Assessment: There are no indications of plagiarism in the content provided; however, since there are no references, it is unclear if specific regulations or guidelines are cited correctly.
- Score: 8/10
5. Correspondence to the Topic
- Assessment: The essay does not adequately address the complete requirements of the topic. A detailed risk assessment, including staffing, transport, location, facilities, and activities, is lacking.
- Score: 2/10
6. Compliance with Requirements
- Assessment: The submission does not meet the structural and content requirements outlined in the assignment. Missing elements include comprehensive risk assessments and specific listed considerations.
- Score: 2/10
Overall Score and Comments
- Total Score: 21/60
- Comment: The essay fails to meet several critical components of the assignment. It requires significant revisions in grammar, factual information, content depth, and structure to comply with the guidelines for a physical education excursion risk assessment for preschool children. Focus on including relevant regulations, clear explanations of the risk management plan, and ensuring that the writing is polished and coherent.
Recommendations for Improvement
- Follow Structural Guidelines: Use appropriate headings to organize content clearly (e.g., "Risk Assessment," "Staffing Requirements," "Transport Requirements," etc.).
- Detail Requirements: Include information on regulation specifics and who is authorized regarding excursions.
- Proofread for Grammar: Carefully check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for clarity.
- Address All Considerations: Ensure the assessment covers all required topics, including specific activities planned for children, safety measures, and requirements related to the child with an anaphylactic allergy.
- Research Legislation: Consult the relevant Australian Education and Care Services National Regulations to ensure proper guidance is provided.