Evaluation of Student Essay on Discrimination and Health Outcomes

Evaluation Criteria

1. Grammar and Syntax: Correctness of sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling.
2. Factual Correctness: Accuracy of dates, statistics, and claims made.
3. Writing Style: Consistency in tone, coherence, flow of ideas, and vocabulary use.
4. Plagiarism Check: Originality of content and proper citations.
5. Correspondence to the Topic: Relevance and alignment of content with the main topic.
6. Mathematical Calculations: Accuracy of numerical data and statistics.
7. Definitions and Terminology: Correct use of terms and definitions related to discrimination and health.

Assessment of the Essay

1. Grammar and Syntax

• Issues Detected:
  • Inconsistent paragraph formatting, such as unnecessary spaces and inconsistent spacing after punctuation.
  • Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods.
  • Incorrect form of “thèse” instead of "these."

2. Factual Correctness

• Issues Detected:
  • The date range for the inclusion criteria states "2015-2025." As of October 2023, this is misleading since the current year is within that range, but it implies that future research will be included, which is not possible until then.
  • The citation style is inconsistent; there is a mixture of formats (some citations lack parentheses, spacing is inconsistent).

3. Writing Style

• Strengths:
  • The essay maintains a formal academic tone and logical progression of ideas.
• Issues Detected:
  • Certain phrases are awkwardly constructed and diminish clarity; for example, "This research approach used throughout this work to provide a deeper understanding to this issue." It should be reformulated for better clarity.

4. Plagiarism Check

• Findings:
  • The essay does reference literature appropriately, which suggests an effort to reduce plagiarism. The presence of direct references indicates adherence; however, no proper bibliography is present, which is essential for academic integrity.

5. Correspondence to the Topic

• Strengths:
  • The content remains focused on the topic of discrimination and health outcomes for ethnic minorities, which is central to the assignment.
• Issues Detected:
  • Some sections, such as the methodology discussion, could be more detailed to strengthen relevance.

6. Mathematical Calculations

• Issues Detected:
  • Percentages mentioned (e.g., “almost one in six respondents…” and “over a quarter”) lack explicit definitions or conversions into concrete numbers, which could help provide context for the claims (e.g., how many respondents were surveyed in total).

7. Definitions and Terminology

• Strengths:
  • The terminology used is generally appropriate for the subject matter, including clear definitions of discrimination.
• Issues Detected:
  • The phrase "ethnic minorities, including Black British, Asian, Black Caribbean, African, and white immigrants like Gypsy and Roma," could be better explained. The term "white immigrants" can be misleading and should be clarified, as it may not accurately reflect the social dynamics within the context of discrimination.

Overall Marking

Marks Breakdown (Out of 100):

• Grammar and Syntax: 25/30
• Factual Correctness: 20/25
• Writing Style: 20/25
• Plagiarism Check: 15/20
• Correspondence to the Topic: 10/10
• Mathematical Calculations: 5/10
• Definitions and Terminology: 5/10

Total Score: 100/100

Final Remarks

The essay is a solid exploration of an important topic but would benefit significantly from improved grammatical precision, clearer formatting, and a more consistent citation style. It is important to provide a thorough bibliography and further clarify complex terms to enhance understanding. Adjustments to align factual claims with current standards and expectations are necessary for academic integrity.