In evaluating the provided essay on the topic of boxing, the following criteria will be assessed:
The essay demonstrates a generally good command of English grammar and spelling. However, there are minor grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing. For instance, the phrase "in today’s world we are still allowing individuals" could be rephrased for flow, such as "we continue to allow individuals." The closing sentence contains an unnecessary period after "listening."
The essay cites a study from Cambridge University stating that "8 in 10 boxers have experienced injuries." However, the source of this statistic is not provided, making it difficult to verify its accuracy. Additionally, the date or context of this study should be mentioned to strengthen the argument. It is important to note that factual accuracy is crucial in academic work.
The tone is persuasive and passionate, which is appropriate for the essay's objective. However, phrases like "brutal and violent sport" could be simplified for clarity. While the use of emotive language is effective, it should be balanced with factual evidence.
The content seems to be original and does not raise any immediate concerns regarding plagiarism. However, without specific referencing for statistics or studies, it raises questions about proper sourcing.
The essay effectively corresponds to the topic of transactional writing by presenting an argument and trying to persuade the audience to take action against boxing. However, more attention could be given to the structure—such as addressing potential counter-arguments—to enrich the discussion.
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it lacks separate paragraphs for each point, which would enhance readability and logical flow. Proper UK English formatting could also be observed in terms of structure, where each new idea could start a new paragraph.
The essay references a percentage statistic ("8 in 10") but fails to provide a source for this data. There are no mathematical calculations required, but factual statements must be reliably cited to improve the argument.
The essay is mostly coherent, and the ideas are logically presented. However, transitions between points could be smoother. The closing statement is emotionally compelling but should tie back to the logical arguments previously made.
Taking into account the above criteria, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the persuasive writing style, but it falls short in factual correctness and data support. The emotional appeal is a strong point, but the lack of specific references weakens its overall impact.
This evaluation should guide the student in refining their writing skills for future assignments in English.