Evaluation of Student Essay

Criterias for Evaluation

1. Grammar and Mechanics

   • Sentence structure
   • Punctuation
   • Spelling
   • Capitalization

2. Factual Correctness

   • Accuracy of events and dates
   • Validity of claims and statistics
   • Proper definitions of terms

3. Writing Style

   • Clarity and coherence
   • Engagement and tone appropriate for Grade 6
   • Use of transitions

4. Plagiarism

   • Originality of ideas and phrasing

5. Correspondence to the Topic

   • Relevance to the topic: Researching community issues
   • Depth of exploration into the mentioned issues

Evaluation of the Essay

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1. Grammar and Mechanics

• Issues Identified:

  • Missing capitalization at the beginning of sentences (e.g., "firstly" and "Secondly" should be capitalized).
  • Punctuation issues, such as missing commas (e.g., "in pathways, streets and creeks" should have a comma before 'and').
  • Run-on sentences that require breaking down (e.g., "these trolleys are all over the place people find them" should be punctuated correctly to improve clarity).

• Rating: Needs Improvement

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2. Factual Correctness

• Issues Identified:

  • The claims regarding scammers targeting specific communities need verification to ensure accuracy. There is no citation or specific source referenced other than "ai overview," which seems informal and vague.
  • No specific dates or events are mentioned concerning the scams or the issue with shopping trolleys.
  • The term "ai overview" is not defined clearly, leading to questions about its credibility as a source.

• Rating: Fair

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3. Writing Style

• Issues Identified:

  • The essay lacks a clear structure; it does not include an introduction or a conclusion.
  • The engagement level could be improved; the tone is somewhat informal and does not completely suit an academic essay.
  • Transitions between ideas are abrupt. For instance, moving from scams to shopping trolleys lacks a linking sentence or paragraph.

• Rating: Needs Improvement

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4. Plagiarism

• Issues Identified:

  • The reference to "ai overview" suggests reliance on external content without proper citation, potentially leading to questions about originality.
  • The overall phrasing appears somewhat informal and could benefit from more original articulation of ideas.

• Rating: Fair

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5. Correspondence to the Topic

• Issues Identified:

  • The essay mentions two community issues without delving into specifics about their consequences or community responses. Deeper analysis of how these issues affect the community could enhance this aspect.
  • The mention of a "third problem" is vague and unaddressed, which detracts from the comprehensiveness of the research.

• Rating: Needs Improvement

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Final Mark: C (70%)

Recommendations for Improvement

1. Structure: Organise the essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
2. Grammar: Revise for grammatical accuracy. Utilize proper capitalization and punctuation throughout.
3. Factual Accuracy: Use sources that can be properly cited. Provide date references and statistics for claimed issues.
4. Depth: Explore the community issues more thoroughly. Discuss implications and possible solutions or community actions taken.
5. Original Expression: Encourage the use of original language and personal insights rather than depending on vague, general terms.

By addressing these issues, the essay could significantly improve in quality and effectively communicate the importance of community issues.