Evaluation of Student's Essay on Indigenous Issues

Criterias for Evaluation

1. Grammar and Syntax: Assessment of sentence structure, punctuation, spelling, and the overall flow of writing.

2. Factual Correctness: Verification of dates, statistics, and claims made in the essay to ensure accuracy.

3. Writing Style: Evaluation of tone, clarity, coherence, and engagement of the writing.

4. Plagiarism: Originality check to ensure that the text is the student's own work.

5. Correspondence to Topic: Examination of how well the essay addresses the assigned topic and whether it remains relevant throughout.

Evaluation

1. Grammar and Syntax

• Strengths:

  • The overall structure is accessible, and the student effectively conveys their arguments.

• Weaknesses:

  • Punctuation: There are missing commas (e.g., “the deaths from indigenous women” should be “the deaths of Indigenous women”).
  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are run-on or lack clarity. For example, “the legs seem to be almost ‘melting’ in a way that looks like tears” could be streamlined for clarity.
  • Spelling: There are several typographic errors, such as “secuallly” (should be “sexually”) and “couldnt” (should be “couldn’t”).

Score: 6/10

2. Factual Correctness

• Statistics on MMIW: The claim of "well over 300 murdered missing Indigenous women" is misleading, as estimates have been documented in the thousands in Canada. More accurate and updated statistics should be included to reflect the current understanding of the issue.
• Historical Claims: The mention of trauma from residential schools is valid, but it could benefit from specific dates or context about the Indian Residential Schools system in Canada, which officially operated from the 1870s until the late 1990s.
• Cultural References: The connections made between the poster and issues faced by indigenous peoples are valid but should be more thoroughly supported with academic references or specific examples.

Score: 5/10

3. Writing Style

• Tone and Engagement: The essay maintains an empathetic tone throughout and engages the reader by personalizing the effects of systemic issues on Indigenous peoples.
• Coherence and Flow: Each paragraph presents a distinct point, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the argument.

Score: 7/10

4. Plagiarism

• Evaluation: There are no indications of plagiarism, but the essay would benefit from citations for the facts presented, especially concerning historical events and statistics.

Score: 8/10

5. Correspondence to Topic

• Relevance: The essay remains primarily relevant to the topic of "unlearning" harmful stereotypes and misconceptions regarding Indigenous peoples.
• Depth of Analysis: More depth and connection between the concepts of unlearning and the specific issues mentioned would enhance the argument.

Score: 6/10

Overall Marking and Feedback

Total Score: 32/50

Feedback Summary: This essay demonstrates a good understanding of the issues facing Indigenous peoples in Canada, particularly in relation to stereotypes and the impacts of historical injustices such as residential schools. However, attention must be paid to the factual accuracy of statistics and the inclusion of proper references to enhance credibility. Moreover, improving grammatical structures and enhancing coherence between paragraphs would strengthen the overall effectiveness of the essay. Revising these aspects could potentially lead to a much clearer and more impactful presentation of your arguments.