Evaluation of Student Essay: Should Schools Provide Healthier Cafeteria Food?

Grammar and Syntax - Proper use of grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation.
Factual Correctness - Accuracy of claims, especially regarding statistics, definitions, and historical context.
Writing Style - Clarity, coherence, vocabulary appropriateness for Grade 7.
Plagiarism - Originality of content; no copying from other sources without citation.
Correspondence to Topic - Relevance to the prompt, maintaining focus on the argument throughout.
Logical Flow - Succinct progression of ideas and evidence supporting the argument.
Mathematical Calculations - Correctness of any numerical data and calculations provided.

Title: Should Schools Provide Healthier Cafeteria Food?

Clear Stance: The essay clearly states that schools should provide healthier foods.
Use of Statistics: The claim that 71% of Americans are overweight or obese is relevant and supports the argument.
Health Concerns: The essay addresses serious health concerns associated with unhealthy food choices, such as obesity and heart disease.

Grammar and Syntax:
- The sentence "Healthy food can kill you or help you only you can decide." is poorly constructed and lacks proper punctuation.
- Missing commas and awkward phrasing (e.g., "Americans are predominantly lifestyle include; and the belief is the vast majority of heart attacks.") impact readability.
- There are run-on sentences that need to be separated into clearer statements.
Factual Correctness:
- The essay lacks citations for the statistic mentioned regarding obesity (71% of Americans), which should reference reliable sources.
- The statement about the definition of obesity related to BMI needs clarification around BMI categories. (BMI over 30 kg/m² is classified as obese, while over 25 kg/m² is classified as overweight.)
Logical Flow:
- The argument does not follow a logical progression. For instance, concluding that healthier cafeteria food will cause more diseases contradicts the overall assertion and may confuse the reader.
- The essay ends abruptly without a proper conclusion summarizing key points and restating the thesis.
Writing Style:
- Some phrases are too informal for an academic setting, such as "I’m counting on you to stop these processed foods in schools."
- The repetitive structure “Schools should provide healthier cafeteria food” can be varied for better engagement.

Overall Impression: The essay shows potential but lacks clarity, organization, and factual backing. The writer should focus on improving grammatical structure and providing clearer, well-researched arguments.

Tips for Improving Future Writing

Proofread for Grammar and Syntax: Always proofread your work for grammatical errors and awkward sentences. Consider using tools like Grammarly or asking a peer for feedback.
Cite Your Sources: When using statistics or facts, ensure you reference credible sources. This will lend authority to your arguments.
Focus on Clarity: Aim to communicate your points more clearly. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each point logically connects to your thesis.
Develop a Strong Conclusion: Summarize your main points effectively in the conclusion. Ensure it reinforces your position clearly.
Use Varied Vocabulary: Instead of repeating the same phrases, try using synonyms or rephrasing to keep the reader engaged.
Stay on Topic: Make sure all parts of your essay relate back to your main argument. Avoid introducing contradictory statements.
Learn About BMI and Health Statistics: Familiarize yourself with terms and statistics related to health and nutrition. Understanding the definitions and classifications will strengthen your arguments.

By focusing on these areas, you can improve your writing significantly and produce clearer, more persuasive essays in the future.