Evaluation of Argumentative Essay

Criterias

1. Grammar and Syntax: The essay should demonstrate proper sentence structure, punctuation, and overall clarity of expression.

2. Factual Correctness: The essay should accurately present information, including statistics, historical context, and factual claims.

3. Writing Style: The essay should reflect an appropriate style for a Year 6 student, including the use of clear and coherent language.

4. Plagiarism: The essay should be original and provide the student's own thoughts and arguments.

5. Correspondence to the Topic: The essay should stay on topic and clearly argue the benefits of soccer.

6. Correctness of Dates and Events: The dates mentioned should be accurate and relevant to the events discussed.

7. Mathematical Calculations: Any numbers or statistics should be correctly stated.

8. Definitions of Terms: Key terms must be used correctly and defined where necessary.

Essay Analysis

Title and Introduction

Title: Argumentative Essay
Date: 3/26/25
Instructor: Mr. Pascoal

• The title is appropriate but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument. This might confuse readers about the essay's purpose.

Content and Argumentation

• The essay discusses the benefits of soccer but presents vague and convoluted sentences that make it difficult to follow the argument. Phrases like "that brain that would act naturally" and "lose less energy" are unclear and should be clarified.

• The statistic “250 million and 200 countries” is inaccurate and poorly phrased. A more standardized expression would be: "There are approximately 250 million soccer players in over 200 countries." Providing a citation for such a statistic would enhance credibility.

Structure and Coherence

• The essay lacks clear paragraph structure. Ideas often run together without transitions, making it hard to discern where one thought ends and another begins. Use of subheadings or clear introductory sentences for each paragraph would improve organization.

Grammar and Syntax

• Multiple grammatical issues are present, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., "myself don’t get shy" should be "I don’t get shy") and awkward phrasing (e.g., "would help with your mental health" could be simplified to "can help improve mental health").

Writing Style

• The writing style needs refinement. Phrases such as "would act naturally" and "let me lose less stress" should be simplified for clarity and coherence.

Conclusion

• The conclusion is absent. A strong argumentative essay should reiterate the main points and provide a summary of the arguments made in favor of soccer.

Plagiarism

• There are no direct indications of plagiarism, but further verification would be needed for original phrases and ideas.

Correctness of Dates and Events

• No specific events related to soccer are mentioned in the essay, which could provide context and support the argument.

Mathematical Calculations

• The statistical reference requires verification, and it should be correctly articulated to avoid confusion.

Definitions of Terms

• The essay should explicitly define terms like "mental health" or "team sports," particularly since these are critical to the argument.

Overall Marking

Evaluation Score

• Grammar and Syntax: 3/10
• Factual Correctness: 4/10
• Writing Style: 5/10
• Plagiarism: 8/10 (assuming original thought)
• Correspondence to the Topic: 5/10
• Correctness of Dates and Events: 5/10
• Mathematical Calculations: 3/10
• Definitions of Terms: 4/10

Final Evaluation

Total Score: 4.5/10

Suggestions for Improvement

1. Strengthen Your Thesis: Clearly outline your main argument early in the essay.

2. Organize Your Thoughts: Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments.

3. Clarify Your Writing: Simplify sentences to improve clarity.

4. Use Reliable Sources: Ensure all statistics and facts are accurate and properly cited.

5. End with a Strong Conclusion: Summarize your arguments and restate the benefits of soccer.

By addressing these issues, you can enhance the overall quality of your argumentative essay on soccer.