Evaluation of Student's Written Assignment: "School Camp"

Evaluation Criteria

1. Grammar and Sentence Structure: Evaluation of grammar rules, sentence construction, and overall cohesiveness.
2. Factual Correctness: Ensuring dates, events, and facts are accurate.
3. Writing Style: Analysis of tone, clarity, and engagement level suitable for Year 6.
4. Plagiarism: Verifying the originality of the content.
5. Correspondence to the Topic: Assessing if the narrative relates directly to the prompt about personal narratives.
6. Math and Definitions: Ensuring any calculations and definitions used are correct.

Overall Mark: 65/100

Detailed Breakdown

1. Grammar and Sentence Structure (70/100)

• Positive Aspects: The narrative flows reasonably well and maintains a consistent first-person perspective.

• Areas for Improvement:

  • Some sentences are run-ons or lack appropriate punctuation ("to pcyc in Yeppoon/ our campsite but At least we didn’t get the small bus").
  • The use of quotation marks in sentences is inconsistent and often unnecessary.

  Example for Improvement:

  • Change “Then we got there. First “We had pizza for lunch” to “When we arrived, we had pizza for lunch.”

2. Factual Correctness (60/100)

• Positive Aspects: Events described reflect common school camp activities.

• Areas for Improvement:

  • The descriptions of crocodiles and their size sound exaggerated—200 years is plausible, but 17 metres is highly unlikely. Consider researching more accurate figures.

  Example for Improvement:

  • Instead of saying "One was apparently 17 metres long," it might be better to specify, "We learned that some crocodiles can grow very large, but most are not that size."

3. Writing Style (70/100)

• Positive Aspects: The use of descriptive phrases creates a vivid picture of the experiences.
• Areas for Improvement:
  • The tone is informal and colloquial, which could be more structured for school assignments.

4. Plagiarism (100/100)

• The work appears to be original and subjective, reflecting personal experiences.

5. Correspondence to the Topic (80/100)

• Positive Aspects: The text successfully conveys personal experiences from a school camp.

• Areas for Improvement:

  • Including more personal reflections or feelings would enhance the personal narrative aspect.

  Example for Improvement:

  • Instead of stating, “we were all so excited,” describe feelings more deeply, like “I felt a rush of excitement when I saw that we were all in the same cabin.”

6. Math and Definitions (80/100)

• No math calculations needed in this context, but measuring crocodiles needed factual verification.

Tips for Improvement

1. Punctuation Practice: Work on sentence structure by practicing punctuation. Use periods to break up longer sentences and avoid run-ons.
2. Research Facts: When including facts (like animal sizes), double-check for accuracy to strengthen your writing.
3. Reflect More Deeply: When writing personal narratives, include your emotions and thoughts to connect more with your readers.
4. Read Aloud: Reading your work aloud can help you hear where it may need adjustment for flow and clarity.
5. Peer Review: Consider having a peer review your work before submission for an additional perspective.

Conclusion

You've made an excellent effort in sharing a personal experience from your school camp. Keep practicing your writing skills and focusing on grammar, clarity, and factual accuracy. Remember, writing is a journey, and with each assignment, you are getting better. Great job!