Evaluation of the Written Assignment: "School Camp"

Criteria for Evaluation

1. Grammar and Punctuation - Proper sentence structure, punctuation usage, and spelling.
2. Factual Correctness - Accuracy of dates, events, and information.
3. Writing Style - Clarity, coherence, and creativity in writing style.
4. Plagiarism - Originality of ideas and expression.
5. Correspondence to the Topic - How well the narrative addresses the prompt of writing personal narratives.
6. Math Calculations - Correctness of any numerical data or statistics.
7. Use of Terms and Definitions - Appropriateness and correctness of terminology used.

Evaluation

Overall Grade: C

Feedback

1. Grammar and Punctuation (C)

   • There are several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. For example, "Then we got there." lacks connection to the previous sentence as it starts a new idea without proper transition.
   • Suggestions: Pay attention to commas, periods, and sentence structure. For instance, you can break down long sentences for easier reading.

2. Factual Correctness (B)

   • The narrative includes fun details about activities and experiences. However, the claim of seeing a crocodile “17 metres long” seems exaggerated. The largest recorded crocodile is about 7 metres.
   • Suggestions: Verify facts or estimates to ensure they are realistic.

3. Writing Style (C)

   • The writing has a conversational tone but feels rushed in places, leading to confusion. Sentences like, "we didn’t like it on the way back to our campsite" could be expressed more vividly.
   • Suggestions: Use descriptive language to express emotions and experiences more vividly.

4. Plagiarism (A)

   • The originality of this piece is commendable, with no apparent copying of other texts.

5. Correspondence to the Topic (B)

   • This text fits the personal narrative topic well, detailing experiences at the school camp. However, a clearer focus on personal feelings and reflections would enhance the narrative.
   • Suggestions: Include more about how you felt about each activity or the friendships formed during the camp.

6. Math Calculations (N/A)

   • There are no math calculations involved in the narrative.

7. Use of Terms and Definitions (C)

   • Words like “shelly sandy beach” could be simplified to “sandy beach”, and terms like “snorkelling” could be explained, as some readers may not be familiar with them.
   • Suggestions: Define or simplify complex terms for clarity.

Tips for Improvement

• Revise and Edit: Review your work for grammatical errors and ensure that each sentence flows logically to the next. Reading aloud can help catch mistakes.
• Add Emotion: Describe how you felt during your experiences. Instead of just describing activities, share what they meant to you.
• Detail and Descriptions: Use more sensory detail to engage your reader. For example, describe sights, sounds, and feelings to paint a vivid picture.
• Fact-Check: Always verify numerical details and factual statements to ensure accuracy.
• Seek Feedback: Share your drafts with peers or teachers for constructive feedback before final submission.
• Practice Writing Regularly: Write more personal narratives or journal entries to build writing confidence and skill.

Conclusion

Overall, this is a fun narrative that captures the excitement of a school camp. With some attention to detail in writing, grammar, and emotional expression, you can greatly enhance your storytelling skills. Keep writing, and enjoy the process!