Evaluation Criteria
- Grammar and Syntax: Assessment of sentence structure, punctuation, and overall grammatical correctness.
- Factual Correctness: Verification of dates, numerical values, and the accuracy of statements made.
- Writing Style: Evaluation of coherence, clarity, and academic tone suitable for adult courses.
- Plagiarism: Determination of originality in thought and expression, distinguishing between common knowledge and improper citation.
- Correspondence to the Topic: Assessment of relevance and focus on the assigned topic, which is "Resume."
- Mathematical Calculations: Verification of numerical accuracy and calculation where applicable.
- Terminology and Definitions: Assessment of the correct use of industry-relevant terms and concepts.
Essay Evaluation
1. Grammar and Syntax
The essay contains several grammatical errors:
- The phrase "I feel with my 5 years in the fast food industry and 12 years in healthcare pride a good progression of skills" is confusing and poorly structured. A clearer version might be, "With 5 years in the fast food industry and 12 years in healthcare, I have developed a strong progression of customer service skills, including active listening."
- There are punctuation issues, such as the period after “gaps” and extra whitespace before “Adjust.”
Score: 3/10
2. Factual Correctness
- The essay mentions "5 years in the fast food industry" and "12 years in healthcare," which could be factually correct, but specific details are missing. Are these experiences overlapping? Clarifying this would enhance the factual grounding of the essay.
- The "second was during the pandemic for four months" requires contextual reference. The COVID-19 pandemic began in March 2020, so if the period referenced is related to that timeframe, it needs to be specified.
Score: 5/10
3. Writing Style
The writing style lacks coherence and does not maintain an academic tone. The transitions between sentences are abrupt, and the overall flow of ideas doesn't guide the reader effectively through the thought process. Additionally, there’s a lack of professionalism in the expression.
Score: 4/10
4. Plagiarism
There’s no indication of plagiarism in the provided text. The ideas seem to be expressed in the student's own words. However, a lack of citation may affect credibility if external sources were referenced informally.
Score: 8/10
5. Correspondence to the Topic
The essay attempts to address the topic of resumes; however, it does not provide sufficient detail on how to create or think through a resume. It mentions a "traditional chronological resume" but does not explain its significance or characteristics. A more developed discussion on different types of resumes and their advantages would improve the relevance to the topic.
Score: 5/10
6. Mathematical Calculations
There were no specific mathematical calculations required in the context of a resume; however, the mention of "5 years" and "12 years" is straightforward and does not contain errors.
Score: 10/10
7. Terminology and Definitions
Terms like "chronological resume" and "gaps" are relevant to the topic but are not adequately defined or contextualized. A strong response would include definitions or explanations of different resume formats and how to address employment gaps effectively.
Score: 4/10
Overall Score: 39/70 (~56%)
Suggestions for Improvement
- Enhance Grammar and Style: Revise sentences for clarity and correctness. Aim for a more professional writing style that fits academic standards.
- Detail Factual Information: Clarify the timeline of work experiences and improve the context around employment gaps.
- Expand Content: Elaborate on resumes by discussing their types, how they are constructed, and why each type might be beneficial for different careers. Provide examples if possible.
- Use Transitional Phrases: Improve the flow of the essay by using transitional phrases to link ideas together more cohesively.
By addressing these areas, the essay can develop a stronger structure, clearer arguments, and a more professional presentation suitable for an adult education context.