Evaluation of Student's Written Assignment

Criteria

1. Grammar and Spelling

   • The text contains numerous grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms, sentence fragments, and poor punctuation.
   • Spelling errors are prevalent (e.g., "aloud," "there," "their," "hearts," "incompatible," "safty," "cantay").
   • Incorrect use of words (e.g., "happens" and "maybe like").

2. Factual Correctness

   • The statements made reference general knowledge rather than specific facts; however, no specific factual inaccuracies related to events or statistics were identified.
   • There are no cited facts or statistics that would lend credibility to the argument.

3. Writing Style

   • The writing style is informal and lacks coherence. The use of casual phrases like "like" detracts from the academic tone.
   • Sentences are often run-on and poorly structured, making it hard to follow the writer's argument.

4. Plagiarism

   • The originality of the text cannot be determined based on the content alone.
   • There are no direct quotations or citations from other sources, suggesting an original effort but also a lack of evidence-based research.

5. Correspondence to the Topic

   • The assignment corresponds to the topic of whether students should be allowed to use cell phones in school; however, arguments are not well-developed.
   • The primary focus is on safety reasons, with limited exploration of other potential benefits or drawbacks.

6. Claim, Reasons, Evidence, and Counterclaim

   • Claim: The claim that cell phones should be allowed in schools is stated but not strongly articulated.
   • Reasons: Reasons for the claim include safety and communication with parents, but they lack elaboration and evidence.
   • Evidence: The text makes claims but lacks concrete evidence to support them, diminishing the overall strength of the argument.
   • Counterclaim: There is a vague reference to a potential disagreement from the principal, but no substantial counterclaim is presented or analyzed.

Overall Assessment and Grade

• Grammar and Spelling: Poor (D)
• Factual Correctness: Fair (C)
• Writing Style: Poor (D)
• Plagiarism: N/A
• Correspondence to the Topic: Fair (C)
• Claim, Reasons, Evidence, and Counterclaim: Needs Improvement (C)

Overall Grade: D (approximately 55%)

Suggestions for Improvement

1. Grammar and Spelling: Review and edit the text for grammatical correctness and spelling. Utilize writing tools or ask for help to identify and correct errors.

2. Structure: Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each representing a distinct idea or point. Use transitional phrases to improve flow.

3. Develop Arguments: Expand on claims with supporting evidence. Include statistics or citations where applicable to enhance credibility.

4. Counterclaims: Consider opposing views and address them in the essay to provide a well-rounded argument.

5. Revising: Revisit the essay multiple times to refine and clarify the main points. Engage in peer reviews to receive constructive feedback.

By focusing on these areas, the writing can become clearer, more persuasive, and academically appropriate for a Year 7 assignment.